Sporgy V Las Vegas Trip Report October 14-19, 2004


Participants: Philster, Shoes and Elder Shoes, Angry Johnny, Caveman Joe and
his dad, JRobi Hab, Dickster, Jimbo and yours truly.

Background:

Our first trip was an impromptu get together at the Golden Nugget. We named
the trip "Bloody Sunday" after the infamous Indianapolis Colts-Chicago Bears
game that my buddy Joe said "was a sure thing". He went out to prove his
conviction to us by placing multiple 110 bets on the game all through the
weekend and all the way up until game time. After witnessing this, the rest
of us lemmings all followed him off the cliff. After the first quarter we
knew we were done for. The day before, Joe had taken a tremendous hit in the
"high roller area" at the Golden Nugget. He had hoped that "the sure thing"
would erase at least part of that evisceration. The weekend was tagged
"Bloody Sunday" by me.

The term Bloody Sunday was then replaced by "Sporgy" (a sports orgy) after
the second trip, exactly one year later. That year featured yet another come
from behind victory by Da Bears over the Cleveland Browns. It was almost an
exact carbon copy of the previous week's victory over the 49ers with an
interception return for a touchdown by Mike Brown in overtime. What made it
sweet was that the Bears were 5 ˝ point favorites at the time. A touchdown
was the only way to win for us. That game, along with the Arizona
Diamondbacks' victory over the Yankees capped off an incredible 13 hour
marathon orgy of watching and betting sports that netted us a lot in terms
of winnings.

We decided to make an annual event out of it, usually around the second or
third weekend in October. This is done partly for the weather and partly
because we can combine NCAA football, NFL football and the MLB playoffs into
one giant weekend of sports wagering.

This year marked our fifth trip out. Three of our regulars could not make it
this year as each had recent additions to their respective families and were
not able to secure a yard pass for the trip. They vow to make it out for
Sporgy VI.

Trip Preparations:

While the weather in Las Vegas is almost perfect during this time of year
for us Northern Hogs, it also is a terrible time to go if you are looking
for value from your accommodations. There usually is a major convention in
town that pushes the prices of even mid level hotels to abnormally high
levels. This year was no exception. AARP had 20,000 attendees this year, and
I would imagine there were several other conventions and trade shows in
town.

We always like to stay at a different hotel on every trip. While some of us
value conscious travelers lobbied for the Imperial Palace, we were overruled
by my buddy "Angry" Johnny who finds the place to be seedy, filthy and an
overall "pit" filled with hookers and "low lifes" (sic). I don't share that
opinion (OK, maybe Doctor Bob *does* play STH there), but Johnny and his
buddies refused this option.

After working through Travelaxe, I found the only alternative for us would
be the Sahara. As most of you know, the Sahara is pretty much isolated on
the north end of the strip. Since we usually have the Sunday edition of the
Sporgy at The Venetian, this would involve a taxi/bus ride or a long walk
(we chose the latter and found it to be no problem at all. In fact, we
walked to and from Caesars as well).

After checking the prices with the hotel website (which Travelaxe used to do
for you, but dropped this option inexplicably. As of this writing, they have
added that feature back with version 2.34), I found the cheapest rates were
82 dollars on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, with 49 dollars on
Sunday and Monday nights on Travelaxe via Places To Stay.com.

I was able to book a 168 dollar round trip flight out of Chicago O'Hare on
Ted. I found this fare using Side Step. Yes, Side Step is spyware, but if it
finds me fares like this, I don't really care too much. Angry Johnny's fare
via Northwest from Grand Rapids via Minneapolis was 192 dollars. The Detroit
contingent flew via America West for a little more, while Joe found a flight
on American for less than 200 dollars.

Flight IN/Flight OUT

Our flight was the only one in with a significant delay. We landed about an
hour late. According to the pilot, the flight in from Las Vegas was delayed
because George Bush and John Kerry were in town. It put us back about 1 ˝
hours so it wasn't too bad. Since none of us check our duffle bags (hey, we'
re guys), we had no problems with luggage.

Going home, we all got home at our scheduled arrival times. Security at ORD
was a breeze. In LAS, it "looked" like a huge mess, which was a surprise
considering we were traveling on a Tuesday. However, the lines through
security were managed extremely well. What looked like a half hour wait, was
about 5 minutes tops.

Accommodations:

We've always felt that the Sahara is the best value on the strip. The rooms
are clean and comfortable. You never walk yourself to death since the hotel
is laid out in a nice orderly fashion. The pool area is small, but nice and
on the weekends there is a pool bar that also serves food. One quibble is
that the Sahara's definition of a pool towel is laughable at best. The
casino is small by Las Vegas standards. I will get into some of the gaming
details later.

I stayed with Philster in room 1573 which offered as good a view of the
south strip as the Sahara could offer from the Tangiers tower. The carpeting
and furnishings were all fairly new and there was no sign of wear and tear
anywhere. The standard two double bed layout with a table and two chairs. A
nice surprise is a25 inch TV, but that went unused. There was NO in room
safe, so I felt good about bringing traveler's checks with me. The bathroom
had a hair dryer which also went unused. Bathroom amenities included shampoo
and conditioner and a few bars of soap. There is a standard sized tub with a
shower. Good water pressure and no complaints except Philster backed up the
overmatched toilet a couple of times.

FOOD:

On a Sporgy, there usually is very little thought about food and dinner
options. We usually have one nice dinner (usually at Piero's) on the first
night. After that, it's eating on the go.

Tony Romas: After reading that Burt was going to see Don Rickles at the
Stardust, I suggested to the boys that we do the same and grab a pre-show
meal at Tony Roma's over at Stardust on Friday night. Personally, I find
Tony Roma's to be only so/so when it comes to their ribs. I make much better
ribs at home which is the barometer I use for rib joints. The onion loaf is
greasy, but popular with the boys.

Sahara Buffet: Despite repeated warnings from Philster and myself, Joe and
his dad ventured to the Sahara Buffet on Friday morning. Joe is of the
opinion that even a bad buffet isn't all that bad. "After all" he says, "how
can anyone screw up bacon?" After having breakfast at the Sahara Buffet Joe
has finally come across an example of how it can be done. Joe was incensed
that there was sign outside the buffet that read "No carry outs allowed".
While pointing to the sign, Joe told the cashier on the way out "Don't
flatter yourself".

Las Vegas Hilton Buffet: Of course we got there on Saturday and had no
choice but to plunk down 15 dollars for this middle of the road offering
which is a "brunch" on weekends. The vegetable lasagna was almost tasteless.
The eggs benedict was predictably awful (why do they offer this at a buffet,
and why do I eat it?). The potatoes were good, but the eggs were rubbery. At
7.50 this wouldn't be bad.

Market Street Caesars:  Not a buffet, but an area just off the sports book
that offers high end fast food. I had the fast Chinese which at 17 bucks was
expensive. The potstickers were decent. The Kung Pao Chicken was one of the
worst offerings of my fave that I've ever had. Johnny, Shoes and J Robi went
and got wraps which looked huge and according to them were outstanding, if
difficult to eat.

Food Court at Venetian: I forgot the name of the place that has the Philly
Cheesesteaks, but it has an Italian name that begins with G. Anyway, they
have somehow reformulated the sandwich and I can unequivocally say it sucks.
I have never seen a cheesesteak sandwich with tomatoes, lettuce and mayo,
but this one does. Yuck!

Hot Dog Cart at the Hilton: Just off to the side of the bar in the
sportsbook is a perky young lass selling hot dogs for a buck. I had two and
they sucked. But being from Chicago I am a Hot Dog snob, so take it with a
grain of salt. The best things about it was that it was fast and it was only
a buck..

Pacos: A Mexican restaurant at Sahara. I didn't eat there, but Elder Shoes
did and raved about it. I have heard positive things from others.

Café at Sahara: We ate breakfast there twice. I had the "South Of The
 Border" which was soft shell tacos, refried beans, black beans, eggs,
cheese and salsa served with hash browns. At 5.95, I found it to be the best
meal I ate during Sporgy V. Caveman's dad had the 7.95 Prime Rib there on
Monday and said it was good, despite being over done. The Prime Rib offering
is good only from 4:30-7pm however.

Entertainment:

Nudie Bars: Philster, Shoes, JRobi and I wanted to try out the new high end
nudie bar, Sapphires on Monday night. However, as you will find out the boys
got totally destroyed on their gaming bets and had little choice but to pass
up Sapphires on Monday. Since we came in fairly late on Thursday, we didn't
go out to dinner. We played a little craps and then at about 1 am, we headed
out to Olympic Garden. Perhaps all of the high end talent has left OG and
went on to Sapphires. Perhaps it was Thursday night (usually *not* an off
night at OG). Whatever it was, the quality of the ladies had taken a turn
for the worse at our favorite "ballet". Most of the girls are from Eastern
Europe and seem a little bit sleazier and more hardened then the fresh faced
Southern Cal college babes and high priced dancers that usually populate the
Garden of Earthly delights. Unfortunately for Philster, a busty stripper by
the name of "Connie" was there this evening. Philster is Connie's personal
ATM and he knows it. In fact, he avoided a repeat trip to the garden last
year because of her. This year, she sort of snuck up on him. She is quite
spectacular and an incredible lap dancer. As a result there was a lot of
money leaving poor Philster's wallet before the night was through. Outside
of Connie, I would have to say the Garden is not what it was. I will give it
the benefit of the doubt and verify the slippage on a couple of repeat
trips. For now, it's still a good time and I would recommend it, but with a
slight reservation.

Don Rickles: Burt mentioned earlier that his gang was heading out to see
Rickles. We didn't buy tickets in advance, but I suggested this as a Friday
night entertainment option to the boys. Joe, Jimbo and Philster were
enthusiastic and we purchased tickets over the phone while sitting in the
hot tub at the Sahara. We got a nice table for a little over 70 bucks. There
are no drinks or food included in the price. I have always been someone who
had bought into the fact that Rickles is a comic genius. What I base it on
is about 20 minutes worth of material on his album "Hello Dummy". Rickles is
thought of amongst our group as one of the Vegas originals and we were
prepared to give him more than the benefit of a doubt. Shawn King (sp?) a
singer we never heard of, opened for Rickles. She was horrible. She's a
typical aging beauty queen who decided to become a terrible lounge singer.

Halfway through the show we found out she was Larry King's wife which
explained how she got the Rickles gig. To our horror, we had to sit through
a slide show of King and his two "little ones" while she sang a song as a
tribute to him and "his face". I got nauseous looking at the thought of that
lecherous old man in the photos being the father to those toddlers. He'll
probably be dead by the time they reach 10 years old. Anyway, Jimbo leans
over and tells me "All I can say is Rickles better be f*ckin funny." I
started to laugh out loud, really loud. I think the row of tables in front
of us heard us, but I didn't care. This lady was a terrible singer and a
gold digger at that.

After enduring this third rate lounge singer we come to Rickles. For some
reason, Rickles makes me laugh just looking at him. As he strode in walking
around the room with one hand in the air, I was hopeful that he was going to
be "f*ckin funny" or at least 70 dollars worth of funny. If you had to put a
price tag on how funny Rickles was, I would say 5 bucks, tops. The show was
sloppy, silly, self congratulating and worse, stagnant. In fact, he wound up
repeating a joke toward the end of the show. It didn't seem like the guy had
any idea of where it was going to go, nor did he care. There was nothing
that I could recommend from this travesty that passed off as entertainment.
At the end of the show Rickles mentioned Mrs. King and he told us that he
"trusted we enjoyed her". Yuck. Later, Rickles read off the list of
celebrities that stopped in to see his extravaganza. Included in the crowd
of dignitaries was Milton Berle's widow, NYPD Blue's Sharon Lawrence (who I
don't know) and none other than lecher himself Larry King who was sitting
just kitty corner in front of us. He probably heard me laugh at his wife.
Anyway, at least he had the guts to watch his no talent wife open for his
has-been buddy.

Gaming:

As I have alluded to before the trip, Blackjack is a game that we all once
loved and have now basically forsaken. At least if we can FIND the game we
once loved. It has now evolved into a dealer hitting soft 17, NO RSA, 6:5
Blackjack payout abomination of the game that is in just about every strip
casino. I admit to playing a few times during Sporgy V, however each time
avoiding the 6:5 game. Surprisingly, I had a few winning sessions with only
one losing one, but that may be because I limited my exposure to the game.
Shoes on the other hand, was not so lucky. He did get his rooms comped at
the Sahara (he did not book through travelaxe by the way), but it was the
most expensive room he has ever stayed in.

We pretty much stick to craps nowadays. Caveman Joe's dad plays Texas Hold
Em almost exclusively, but the rest of us (except for Elder Shoes at BJ) can
be found around the Craps table. I like playing Craps at the Sahara. They
offer 5x times odds and for the most part they have an efficient and
entertaining crew manning the tables. We give kudos to casino supervisor
Bill Potter for making us laugh almost every night. The guy looks like a
young Richard Speck high on drugs, but don't let him fool you. He knows
every payout and he's quick with the one liners. In fact, a lot of them go
over some of the more groggy patrons at the Sahara. Overall, craps served
most of us pretty well. I had just one losing session and even that was
minimal.

The sports betting didn't go that well. I posted most of Caveman Joe's
recommendations on avlv before I left. If you followed any of them yourself,
you know he lead us all down the road to ruin. Purdue, Minnesota and
Oklahoma State were his big recommendations. I lost big on those games as
well as the second half bet on Tennessee (which Joe blamed on "dat fat f*ck"
coaching the Vols). I also took a spanking on baseball since we always bet
the plus on the money line. Since baseball is practically a 50/50 game at
this point anyhow, it makes sense going that way, but not on Saturday. I was
able to salvage the Iowa/Ohio State game. The Buckeyes are totally overrated
and we won both game and half time bets with ease.

On Sunday, things turned really ugly. Our boys from Detroit assured us that
Favre and the Packers always struggle against the Lions in Detroit. Couple
that with the fact that the Lions have a good team (yeah right) this year
and the Packers "D" is hideous, the 2.5 points they were giving seemed like
a gift to us. Of course, like hometown fanatics that we are, we bet on the
Bears as well. After Sunday, we realized the Bears don't have a quarterback.
Our Detroit friends still work under the delusion that they *have* one. We
also followed those wonderful bets up with a few parlays that included the
Lions as well. Doh! Then we bet the OVER on the Red Sox-Yankees and then bet
on those stupid Cardinals. You catch my drift, it was a blood bath. Except!
Except for the fact that in my despair over the Lions debacle, I sauntered
over and purchased a 100 dollar parlay on the Steelers, Vikings and Rams. I
also put 220 on the Rams -6.5. If anyone remembers Monday night's game, you
realize why I was sitting at Caesars with my head down and arms folded only
to come out of my shell with about 20 seconds left to play in the game.
Before Monday's festivities, I also put a bet on the Astros, only because
they were a plus bet. Even though my parlay came in along with my two bets,
I still lost about 350 dollars playing the sports book. It could have been a
lot worse.

Sportsbooks:

Hilton: The Venetian is our favorite, but we decided to check out other
offerings this time around. Saturday we went to the Las Vegas Hilton and
were impressed. The facilities were outstanding and the chairs comfortable.
Drink service is fair, but not bad, although the waitresses are not easy on
the eyes. You aren't too far away from food or facilities, so if you are
pulling a 12 hour session in the sportsbook, this is a nice offering from a
hotel that gets a few dings from avlv posters every now and then. By the
way, I did check out the Star Trek crapper: it was nice but intimidating.
The toilet seats look like they were made out of stainless steel. Dickster
then informed me that that was not the case. We give it 4 bowls (out of 5).

Caesars: It was Monday night, and my liver was in shut down mode. I was
mortified to see that the cocktail waitress was taking MONEY for drink
orders. I didn't ask for drink tickets after betting, but this is terrible.
The sports book itself is a dream. Huge screens, comfy chairs, with a small
flat screen monitor at each table. Very nice indeed.

Venetian: It's not the biggest in terms of size or numbers of screens, or
size of screens. But it's the most comfortable book we have ever come
across. The waitresses are knock outs and to top it off, they are efficient
as all hell. They remind me of the heydays of the Ipanema Girls at the Rio,
only the Venetian is even better. I can't tell you how many Sierra Nevadas I
personally polished off, but let's put it this way: Connie (no relation to
the one at OG) our incredibly gorgeous waitress was around just about every
15 minutes. When she took a break her equally stunning substitute did not
miss a beat. Sunday's festivities were reserved for the V and for good
reason: there isn't a more pleasurable experience around. One draw back is
that the facilities are a short walk away, and the Philly cheese steak as I
mentioned earlier is not up to it's usual standards.

Final Thoughts:

Outside of Elder Shoes and Caveman Joe's Dad (who went "contrarian" on every
bet my son made), everyone lost money. CJ's Dad did fairly well at Texas
Hold Em. Thanks to the Rams, Steelers (thank you David Berman) Vikings and
Astros, I kept my losses below a grand. I cannot say the same for any of my
buddies however. With that being said, outside of Shoes, nobody lost more
money than they came with.

Since we walked most of the trip, we save a bundle on cab rides. On the way,
we noticed Wynn's new hotel and thought it looked like a brown and white
Stardust, only bigger. They were putting in trees out front. I did not know
if this was for Christmas, or if they are going to be permanent. I hate to
admit it, but it looked disappointing. It was big, but bland. We also walked
by the Fashion show mall. We hate malls, but this one with it's obnoxious
music and commercials out front has to take the cake. I vow never, ever to
set foot in this travesty.

Despite the negatives at the sportsbook and the train wreck that was
Rickles, we had an outstanding time at the tables and at the pool Friday and
Monday at the Sahara. The boys are always good for more than a few laughs
which makes up for a lot. And as we always say, when we go with the wives to
Las Vegas we always have a nice time. When we go with the boys, it's a GREAT
time.
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