30 Minutes To Sporgy IV

OK, we have suffered a great loss- but that was yesterday.  Dwelling on the past will not move us forward.  It's time to look to the future. 

Since I opted to begin a day early, in less than 30 minutes I will commence my pilgrimage to the Holy City.  Just 2 short blocks from where I sit is the UIC-Halsted Blue Line station, which will take me to O'Hare on the first leg of my journey.  In honor of this momentous event, I have ceased my daily toil in order that my mind can be clear for this blessed occasion.

I will not dwell on what might-have-been.  I *will* open my myself to all the debauchery that is possible in the world.  I *will* gamble with my hard-earned money.  I *will* ogle the talented wait staff.  I *will* eat like a pig.  I *will* drink like a Kennedy.  (Well OK, maybe that last one is going too far, but you get my drift.) 

Hell, I might even bet on the Marlins...

Yes, it's Sporgy time.  That wonderful, magical time of year when large-breasted waitresses bring us free drinks just because we're watching sports on TV in Las Vegas.  Las Vegas- that special place where you can say the sort of things Al Bundy says about the Nudie Bar:

Where the music stinks,
and they water the drinks- at the nudie bar.

Where the girlies dance
in their underpants- at the nudie bar.

Where you see their butt-
and they keep their trap shut- at the nudie bar.

Where you can't touch a breast,
but you can cave in a chest- at the nudie bar.

Where you look at a thigh,
and blacken an eye- at the nudie bar.

Where the beer gives you gas,
but the Bundys kick ass! at the nudie bar.

Where a buck's enough
to see their stuff- at the nudie bar.

Where the breasts may be fake,
but man do they shake- at the nudie bar.

Where you swear like a sailor,
and wish you could nail her- at the nudie bar.

Where there's a cop at the door,
and a Kennedy on the floor- at the nudie bar.

Where Christmas is nice,
and lap dances are half price- at the nudie bar.

Where you drink down the shooters,
and unwrap the hooters- at the nudie bar.

Where eggnogs are plenty,
and the girls all twenty- at the nudie bar.

Where we can live our lives by the The 9 Commandments According to Al Bundy:
1. It's okay to call hooters "knockers" and sometimes "snack trays."
2. It is wrong to be French.
3. It's okay to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder.
4. Lawyers: see rule three.
5. It is okay to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes.
6. Everyone should car pool but me.
7. Bring back the word "stewardesses"
8. Synchronized Swimming is not a sport.
9. Mud wrestling is a sport.

And finally, in the immortal words of Homer Simpson:
"Woo-hoo!"

I'm out of here!