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The Hog Creed:
-We are red blooded
American/Canadian Males (but other nationalities are more than welcome)
who love women, but in measured doses only!
-Hogs are unpretentious.
They allow their masculinity and their confidence in their masculinity
to define them. Guys who read Maxim magazine lust after 2,300 dollar
Armani suits. They are NOT Hogs, just wannabes.
-We love watching sports with ALL of the amenities: BIG SCREEN TV,
REMOTE CONTROL, BEER, SWEAT PANTS (OR SZUBAS) LA-Z BOY OR ANY RECLINER,
STOGIES, SURROUND SOUND, GOOD FOOD, SATELLITE HOOK UP, AND A COUPLE OF
LIKE MINDED HOGS TO SHARE THE FUN WITH.
- We love Las Vegas. Yet,
a Hog never willingly plays a slot machine for any length of time.
-We like our food grilled, preferably on a charcoal grill (but gas is
grudgingly acceptable due to convenience). We prefer to do the grilling
ourselves, but if that's not possible, only another Hog may
grill for us. Red meat is the first choice, with pork ribs
running a close second.
-We are not lazy. When the mood strikes us, we can become quite active.
It's perfectly acceptable for a Hog to go skiing or make home
improvements for example, but mostly we follow ex-President Jimmy
Carter's advice and conserve energy.
-You'll NEVER see a Hog WILLINGLY go shopping for anything other than
electronics, hardware or beer. And it is a DIRECT VIOLATION of the Hog
Creed (ie Mortal Sin) to go "shopping" with a HEN (yuck!). In
fact, it is acceptable to come up with projects around the house, or go
to the health club as an excuse not to go shopping with a Hen.
-When on vacation, one is most likely to find Hogs sitting around (a bar
or pool) drinking and BSing with other Hogs.
-Our political beliefs and
ideas on taxes put us well to the right of Newt Gingrich and other
so-called "conservatives", but our beliefs social issues put
us squarely out to pasture.
-Hogs never spend money in a movie theater. Most movies are just
retreads of the same plot. Much better to wait for the video or pay per
view.
-Hogs NEVER lie. However, we know when to keep our mouths shut! Deny
everything. Admit nothing. Demand proof. "I
wasn't there" "It's not my fault" "You can't prove
it anyway"
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The Creed
Section |
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Celebrity Hogs |
A
list of male celebrities who are considered "Hogs" and others who are not. Used
to illustrate to the reader on what is and what is not a Hog. |
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Hall of Fame |
Hogs
who have distinguished themselves from other Hogs by their sheer magnitude of their
Hogness. |
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Hog Politics |
Gloria
Steinem would castrate us if she had the chance! Unfortunately for
Gloria we spend more time with Ashley Lawrence and
Elizabeth Carson! |
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Hog Glossary |
Sure,
you look like a Hog, smell like a Hog, act like a Hog and walk like a
Hog. Now you can talk like one too. |
| Hog
Humor |
Includes
all sorts of hilarious bits about how men manage to cope in a world that is increasingly
being dominated by a feminine point of view. |
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tHE pIG pEN |
Random
musings of the Honorary Hog Membership |
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CTE |
Our annual 3
month Commitment To Excellence that will hopefully
translate into a lifelong practice. |
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